The single guy is such a demeaning proposition. Unless someone has a “Single now” status a single status especially for a guy is such a troubling state of being. Single as a relationship status means a guy who is currently not involved with anyone from the opposite or his own sex. It pretty much means the same to a girl and the argument may not be largely different but let us concentrate on the trauma of the guy here.
Generally guys do not seek a single status. Everybody is born with this status and depending on the age at which the guy becomes cognizant of this fact that he is actually relationshipless he starts bracing up to move away from this status. But here is the trouble. The “what” of the trouble is known, the “why of the issue is also pretty much understood but the “how” of the trouble is a perplexing one because there is not one technique that leads to a relationship.
Let’s examine the very natural way of getting into a relationship, love. This is probably defined as the first step to be in a relationship. But love is a tricky proposition. It doesn’t happen with everybody and when it does happen there is a good chance that the lady in question (we shall discuss only straight relationships) may belong to the following statuses or sub-statuses; married, divorced, in a relationship and looking, in a relationship and not looking, single and looking, single and not looking, hates guys and lesbians. While women have evolved in a very cosmopolitan sense, it may not appeal very highly to their taste if the enquiry of their relationship status is made in the first meeting. (I can see/hear many women squirm at this statement, but let’s face it, most of them are like that). Most Single guys have a particular trouble. They don’t know how to talk to women. Sometimes, much worse, they don’t even know how to open a conversation because they are actually concerned that the girl will look at him as being desperate (desperate doesn’t have a sexual connotation here) which he most probably is.
Now the single guy is expected to make the move now. Can you imagine his plight? He has one shot to get it right and he has no idea whether he will get it right. If he is a smooth talker maybe he can fiddle his way through but the best of the talkers feel the butterflies during that moment because the stakes are so high. The stakes are so high because it is usually a lopsided equation. Usually even a half good looking girl has several options if she is at the right place at the right time. For eg in my class during graduation we had 25 guys and 2 girls. One girl was of such physical stature that she needed 2 chairs fit her bottom. So suddenly this other girl becomes eye candy. With all due respect to her I would not classify her as even half good looking but amongst a swarm of single guys she can brush my opinion aside and prove me otherwise. In a conservative society this is generally the case of mismatch with respect to the numbers of sexes in work places, educational institutes etc.
I am sure this piece is collecting a steady group of non followers and haters to this idea. But I want to challenge them by asking a question. Honestly speaking, how many of you have struck a conversation with a random girl who is an absolute stranger that you met at a coffee shop or a mall and I also would like to know if somebody has ever attempted this and what’s the success percentage. Do we know anybody who has pulled this off? Yes, we all will know of one guy we adulate in this aspect who actually did what’s usually shown in the movies and has succeeded in it. Probably all my friends know that same guy. So when it comes to a ratio it is almost negligible. And even in places like Mumbai and Delhi I haven’t seen a Single’s bar. So there isn’t a forum for dating. Hence the evolution of the dating concept hasn’t quite happened in a way that the super set from which you can choose a female is a large one. It is restricted to your first level connection or at the max second level (friends’ friends etc).
So like I mentioned before the desperation amongst Single guys leads to some drastic results. The worst of them being, turning gay or hating women or just stoic to this entire thing. Some who are psychologically strong may actually work this barrier out and break it away. They may choose to confront and state themselves sometimes in an absolute foolish way or sometimes in the most romantic way. There is no definite success percentage here. It depends on the girl, her interest level, her mood, her understanding of a relationship and her commitment to her present status. There are definite cases where a relationship is sparked between 2 people who are genuinely interested in each other and it seems just a natural way forward from there on. There are ups and downs in the journey but eventually everything works out in the end. This happens to a good percentage of people but a Single status for a guy for a lengthy period of time can confuse him so much that he may not be able to recognize the vibes when he actually gets it from a girl.
Women generally prefer the guy to take the initiative and make the move. They are better known for patience. But when an interaction that has to step up and go to the next level instead drags on for too long women drop cues which they expect the guy to take and hence take it forward. Believe me, as there is a lack of an actual code for this and since the interpretation of the same differs from woman to woman, most men will not get the cue and will continue being a friend or acquaintance instead of stepping up because they don’t want to lose whatever they have.
As much as I would like to draw a conclusion to this and solve the Single guy’s dilemma, I cannot. Because just as I said there is no single technique of this happening and my strong belief is that we meeting someone or the ‘one’ happens at a metaphysical level and hence comprehension cannot be done at a physical level. But the attempt to change status isn’t one that has to be discouraged. My only advice for the single guy is to go and confront. It takes a lot to just go and do that bit. So pat yourself for it and forget the result. If the girl is genuinely interested or if you have managed to stir her imagination then wait for time. I am sure everything will fall in its place. All the best!
Generally guys do not seek a single status. Everybody is born with this status and depending on the age at which the guy becomes cognizant of this fact that he is actually relationshipless he starts bracing up to move away from this status. But here is the trouble. The “what” of the trouble is known, the “why of the issue is also pretty much understood but the “how” of the trouble is a perplexing one because there is not one technique that leads to a relationship.
Let’s examine the very natural way of getting into a relationship, love. This is probably defined as the first step to be in a relationship. But love is a tricky proposition. It doesn’t happen with everybody and when it does happen there is a good chance that the lady in question (we shall discuss only straight relationships) may belong to the following statuses or sub-statuses; married, divorced, in a relationship and looking, in a relationship and not looking, single and looking, single and not looking, hates guys and lesbians. While women have evolved in a very cosmopolitan sense, it may not appeal very highly to their taste if the enquiry of their relationship status is made in the first meeting. (I can see/hear many women squirm at this statement, but let’s face it, most of them are like that). Most Single guys have a particular trouble. They don’t know how to talk to women. Sometimes, much worse, they don’t even know how to open a conversation because they are actually concerned that the girl will look at him as being desperate (desperate doesn’t have a sexual connotation here) which he most probably is.
Now the single guy is expected to make the move now. Can you imagine his plight? He has one shot to get it right and he has no idea whether he will get it right. If he is a smooth talker maybe he can fiddle his way through but the best of the talkers feel the butterflies during that moment because the stakes are so high. The stakes are so high because it is usually a lopsided equation. Usually even a half good looking girl has several options if she is at the right place at the right time. For eg in my class during graduation we had 25 guys and 2 girls. One girl was of such physical stature that she needed 2 chairs fit her bottom. So suddenly this other girl becomes eye candy. With all due respect to her I would not classify her as even half good looking but amongst a swarm of single guys she can brush my opinion aside and prove me otherwise. In a conservative society this is generally the case of mismatch with respect to the numbers of sexes in work places, educational institutes etc.
I am sure this piece is collecting a steady group of non followers and haters to this idea. But I want to challenge them by asking a question. Honestly speaking, how many of you have struck a conversation with a random girl who is an absolute stranger that you met at a coffee shop or a mall and I also would like to know if somebody has ever attempted this and what’s the success percentage. Do we know anybody who has pulled this off? Yes, we all will know of one guy we adulate in this aspect who actually did what’s usually shown in the movies and has succeeded in it. Probably all my friends know that same guy. So when it comes to a ratio it is almost negligible. And even in places like Mumbai and Delhi I haven’t seen a Single’s bar. So there isn’t a forum for dating. Hence the evolution of the dating concept hasn’t quite happened in a way that the super set from which you can choose a female is a large one. It is restricted to your first level connection or at the max second level (friends’ friends etc).
So like I mentioned before the desperation amongst Single guys leads to some drastic results. The worst of them being, turning gay or hating women or just stoic to this entire thing. Some who are psychologically strong may actually work this barrier out and break it away. They may choose to confront and state themselves sometimes in an absolute foolish way or sometimes in the most romantic way. There is no definite success percentage here. It depends on the girl, her interest level, her mood, her understanding of a relationship and her commitment to her present status. There are definite cases where a relationship is sparked between 2 people who are genuinely interested in each other and it seems just a natural way forward from there on. There are ups and downs in the journey but eventually everything works out in the end. This happens to a good percentage of people but a Single status for a guy for a lengthy period of time can confuse him so much that he may not be able to recognize the vibes when he actually gets it from a girl.
Women generally prefer the guy to take the initiative and make the move. They are better known for patience. But when an interaction that has to step up and go to the next level instead drags on for too long women drop cues which they expect the guy to take and hence take it forward. Believe me, as there is a lack of an actual code for this and since the interpretation of the same differs from woman to woman, most men will not get the cue and will continue being a friend or acquaintance instead of stepping up because they don’t want to lose whatever they have.
As much as I would like to draw a conclusion to this and solve the Single guy’s dilemma, I cannot. Because just as I said there is no single technique of this happening and my strong belief is that we meeting someone or the ‘one’ happens at a metaphysical level and hence comprehension cannot be done at a physical level. But the attempt to change status isn’t one that has to be discouraged. My only advice for the single guy is to go and confront. It takes a lot to just go and do that bit. So pat yourself for it and forget the result. If the girl is genuinely interested or if you have managed to stir her imagination then wait for time. I am sure everything will fall in its place. All the best!
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