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Dialogue with self

Hey dude
Well, hi…
Not happy to see me. Oh, that’s right, you cant see me. You can just hear me.
That’s bad enough.
Why bad dude? Am I not supposed to like enlighten you?
Really? What can you enlighten me about and also not make me feel like a complete douchebag?
Introspection is not supposed to make you feel bad, dude. It should make you feel good. You realize what you’ve done and move on remembering never to do it again.
I did something better actually. I forgot about it till you came up.
Hmmm. Never mind, I am here to remind you of all the awful things you do and shouldn’t.
Sigh…I know…
So what’s been eating you up recently?
Nothing. I am fine.
Really? You don’t have a smile on your face, your eyebrows are crooked, there is pensiveness in the air. Waddup?
Aah, here we go…
Cmon, I am your inner voice. You can tell me.
Sadly, I don’t even have to tell you
True, but let me still ask you this. Is it the same issue? Are you feeling under this self created pressure of creating a perfect environment?
Self created what?
Cmon, don’t act like you don’t know. You want something and you’ve wanted it for so long and you have absolutely no clue as to how you can get that. Every day you swear you won’t think about it and let things take its course and all your mind can do in voluntarily find its way back to it. It’s a sweet obsession of your mind which has put you in a pickle from which you can’t quite wriggle yourself out.
Well…yeah..
So what do you want to do about it?
Nothing. I don’t think me doing anything or not doing can influence anything. I have tried forgetting it, distracting myself but clearly that doesn’t work. I have also tried doing something about it but that doesn’t seem to work either. I am left wondering what should I do? A brainwash of sorts should be nice.
Hmmm.. that is a pickle. What do you want?
I want it to end, just end. I cant go on this lifelong pursuit just to attain that one single thing. I understand it is important, very important to me. But it is killing me, it is killing all that I am and can be. I am being ripped of my other virtues and I have found a safe haven in constant worry and a fantasy of a happy tomorrow. I need to let it go. I don’t know how.
You don’t know how?
I really don’t know
But you created it, isn’t it?
I did. It was nice when it was made. It made a lot of sense. But now I am just stuck in it.
What keeps you in that pickle?
Lots of things. Mainly a hope, that there is a tomorrow that is brighter than today. But I live in that tomorrow forgetting to make use of the brightness of today. I seem completely focused on achieving something I am so clueless about.
You have to let it go.
Yeah.. I wish
That’s the only way. It has to become less and less meaningful to you. It must just be one another important thing to you not the only important thing.
You know that you’ve been purposefully vague about this so that the reader has no clue about your current situation and yet feels like this can be a situation that he/she is currently in, right.
Right

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