There are people I don’t get along on a fundamental basis. As
much as I try to make a go at it, it will fizz out given the discontent that
atleast one party is going to hold after a conflict of views.
For instance I do not like frivolity. Please don’t misunderstand
this to the aspect of me not having fun. Fun and being frivolous are 2
different things. When you are frivolous you are basically putting up an act
and your rubbish everything as a part of the act. Fun is engaging in something
uplifting leading to laughter. Slapstick humor is fun but a prank on someone is
frivolous. Both cause laughter and I detest the latter.
I have pretty strong opinions and some unbendable values. There
are certain things I want to live my life by and a compromise in that wont be
possible. For instance, I will not do anything that is to please someone if I don’t
fundamentally feel that way. I wont buy a rose on a day I don’t feel like buying
a rose. The thought and action of buying a rose is a deep emotional thought
that converts into a force of action. The whole thing is special for me and I cannot
do it for the sake of doing it. That’s just shallow and I don’t do a lot of shallow
things. Everything I do has a mind body soul synch. All the things I enjoy by
way of pass time are not things I do to kill time. They absorb me and engage
me. Else I wouldn’t be able to do it. When I watch a TV show, read a book or
watch a sport or listen to music they all connect with me at a deep emotional
level.
I am not afraid to say No. after all these years I am not
afraid of it at all. I like to say that I agree with something and when I don’t
like something I say it as well. Too often this has been asked of me. To do
something I am not OK with doing. I always end up refusing it flatly. It causes
considerable heartburn but then I cant satisfy someone with a false sense of
action with no thought put in it. When I do put the thought in and put my
meaningful action across you will see the detailing and the surfacing of things
u probably don’t remember telling me. That’s when I mean it. This is how I am. Unapologetically
me.
Sometimes I struggle with the over-complication in getting a
read on someone or a situation. I get caught in this web of observations and
extrapolations I have subjected myself to. I realize the quagmire I am in and
the only way to get out is shun the whole thing and get back to basics. Look at
facts and treat it upon the merit of facts without layers of interpretation. I am
consciously trying to practice this leaving my mind free to wonder.
I don’t like this concept of people asking me to do
something to please them. I am not going to do something to please them. If I feel
like doing it then I will do it when they least expect all the same. But it has
to be an original thought and like I said before, it cannot be shallow or
namesake. Else I will only be misleading people.
There is no love of a certain kind. There is love or no
love. One cannot interpret love as the result of only a certain type of act. You
didn’t take me to this movie hence you don’t love me is baseless. Love is felt
in every bit of verbal and non-verbal communication. We are quick to conclude
looking at convenient data points and take for granted the other points that
are available. We will only miss out in the process and much worse end in
remorse. Love needn’t be conveyed only when you call your special someone and
say you miss them, it is also conveyed in the call that enquires where are u
despite knowing where you are. Our spoon fed generation often misses the point
of such actions. Ask your parents and they will have a book full of such
stories to tell.
In the end I like who I am. The world understands me and
sometimes it doesn’t. Its understanding or the lack of it is for its own
benefit or peril. Despite the waves splashing hard the rock has to stand solid
amidst constant persuasion. The rock melts when it sees the sense in the
persuasion. And believe me it will be worth it.
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