"Haven't you tried Tinder?"
"Tinder is a lop-sided game, man. It is for the ladies. After weeks without matching I uninstalled"
This is not a washroom conversation. Wait! It could be a washroom conversation, one cubicle to the other. Nevertheless the conversation is a common one amongst men. I was tempted to add an adjective in the previous sentence and end it as "amongst 'eligible' men but Tinder offers no such restrictions. So it is just men and it seems to rarely work for them.
I am on Tinder and I've known other men and women who have been on Tinder. Quite frankly, the stories of people on and off Tinder are fascinating to say the least. Dating in an Indian context is confusing enough. If you bring in dignity into the mix and make tall presumptions then the complexity has just gone up several notches. Let me explain what I mean. To put it simply Tinder has a reputation. It is assumed that the app is primarily for people trying to get sexual gratification. Women are quite concerned with this reputation as they presume that the first thing men are doing on Tinder is view them as objects of sex. This is not a woman problem but do deviant men exist? Sure.
So women on the app are skeptical. It is uncanny how many times I get asked by the women I match with, if I am a serial killer. It is good to know that they expect honesty from a serial killer. If you go about reading all the online content and Quora posts on how to get matches on Tinder, as a man, you'll realize that you have to pretty much stand out. You can't be "Hi, I am a guy looking for a girl" with just one pic shot by your own self on the iPhone 5s' camera. That's the receipe for a left swipe. So you have to be different and the difference should somehow bring out something 'unique' about you. If someone has done some analysis on the men's profiles then the age old gaff that "men are simple creatures" will get proven over and over again. The most unique things men have come up with so far are: pics in gym, beards, sunglasses and Royal Enfield (this is the Harley Davidson of India). A Global Web Index survey puts the number of women Tinder users as 38% to men's 62%. Can you imagine the number of beards in the gym these women are seeing? End result: Left swipe.
I am not Tinder god but I have had moderate success using Tinder and other dating apps. Here are my 2 cents.
Be NORMAL: In the attempt to stand out being normal has been completely forgotten. Normal is underrated. You can be a guy wearing a clean shirt in a pic that has adequate lighting, very little editing and a pleasing background. You may just bring a smile to the face. The fear is normal is boring but women have tended to view that normal is safe and when online, safety trumps practically everything. Normal is the new unique!
Dude, where's your bio?: Women are not a reflection of how men think. To find a woman of your wavelength in an online world where she is the 'king' you have to win her. Bio beats your selfie by a mile. Even better if you can come up with a joke, psst...it can be a bad one as well. That will still sell.
Be specific: "I dig Godfather" is way better than "I am a movie buff"
Be Honest: Our online identities are the worst representatives of ourselves. If you're truly Dexter please let the lady know. Ok, that was a joke. If you're Dexter please don't download the app. What I mean is to be upfront with your intent. Please let her know if sex is what you're looking for. If you want a long marriage and babies you should tell her that as well. If you aren't certain what you want then tell her that too. Trust me when I say this, none of this is repelling. She WILL understand. Nothing gets appreciated as much as honesty and nothing hurts like heartbreak. So let her know and she will always appreciate it.
And lastly...
Wait: If you're wondering what this is then this perhaps is one of the biggest banes of online dating. If you didnt know this then here it goes - when an average man and an average woman start swiping then the number of matches a man will get is probably 1 or none and the number of matches a woman will get is 15 or 20 assuming average number of swipes. You are not in a 1-1 competition, you are 1 in 15 options. All of them are messaging her while she juggles her real life. So wait for her to respond to your clever opening line. If she likes it then she will come back but patience is key. There is a chance that the response might never come but that's how the game is. It isn't like you stopped swiping while you were waiting for the response. So suck it up.
In the end we are people and dating apps are a fantastic way of meeting people and increasing social interaction that gets severely curtailed as we grow older. We owe it ourselves to use the platform respectfully.
"Tinder is a lop-sided game, man. It is for the ladies. After weeks without matching I uninstalled"
This is not a washroom conversation. Wait! It could be a washroom conversation, one cubicle to the other. Nevertheless the conversation is a common one amongst men. I was tempted to add an adjective in the previous sentence and end it as "amongst 'eligible' men but Tinder offers no such restrictions. So it is just men and it seems to rarely work for them.
I am on Tinder and I've known other men and women who have been on Tinder. Quite frankly, the stories of people on and off Tinder are fascinating to say the least. Dating in an Indian context is confusing enough. If you bring in dignity into the mix and make tall presumptions then the complexity has just gone up several notches. Let me explain what I mean. To put it simply Tinder has a reputation. It is assumed that the app is primarily for people trying to get sexual gratification. Women are quite concerned with this reputation as they presume that the first thing men are doing on Tinder is view them as objects of sex. This is not a woman problem but do deviant men exist? Sure.
So women on the app are skeptical. It is uncanny how many times I get asked by the women I match with, if I am a serial killer. It is good to know that they expect honesty from a serial killer. If you go about reading all the online content and Quora posts on how to get matches on Tinder, as a man, you'll realize that you have to pretty much stand out. You can't be "Hi, I am a guy looking for a girl" with just one pic shot by your own self on the iPhone 5s' camera. That's the receipe for a left swipe. So you have to be different and the difference should somehow bring out something 'unique' about you. If someone has done some analysis on the men's profiles then the age old gaff that "men are simple creatures" will get proven over and over again. The most unique things men have come up with so far are: pics in gym, beards, sunglasses and Royal Enfield (this is the Harley Davidson of India). A Global Web Index survey puts the number of women Tinder users as 38% to men's 62%. Can you imagine the number of beards in the gym these women are seeing? End result: Left swipe.
I am not Tinder god but I have had moderate success using Tinder and other dating apps. Here are my 2 cents.
Be NORMAL: In the attempt to stand out being normal has been completely forgotten. Normal is underrated. You can be a guy wearing a clean shirt in a pic that has adequate lighting, very little editing and a pleasing background. You may just bring a smile to the face. The fear is normal is boring but women have tended to view that normal is safe and when online, safety trumps practically everything. Normal is the new unique!
Dude, where's your bio?: Women are not a reflection of how men think. To find a woman of your wavelength in an online world where she is the 'king' you have to win her. Bio beats your selfie by a mile. Even better if you can come up with a joke, psst...it can be a bad one as well. That will still sell.
Be specific: "I dig Godfather" is way better than "I am a movie buff"
Be Honest: Our online identities are the worst representatives of ourselves. If you're truly Dexter please let the lady know. Ok, that was a joke. If you're Dexter please don't download the app. What I mean is to be upfront with your intent. Please let her know if sex is what you're looking for. If you want a long marriage and babies you should tell her that as well. If you aren't certain what you want then tell her that too. Trust me when I say this, none of this is repelling. She WILL understand. Nothing gets appreciated as much as honesty and nothing hurts like heartbreak. So let her know and she will always appreciate it.
And lastly...
Wait: If you're wondering what this is then this perhaps is one of the biggest banes of online dating. If you didnt know this then here it goes - when an average man and an average woman start swiping then the number of matches a man will get is probably 1 or none and the number of matches a woman will get is 15 or 20 assuming average number of swipes. You are not in a 1-1 competition, you are 1 in 15 options. All of them are messaging her while she juggles her real life. So wait for her to respond to your clever opening line. If she likes it then she will come back but patience is key. There is a chance that the response might never come but that's how the game is. It isn't like you stopped swiping while you were waiting for the response. So suck it up.
In the end we are people and dating apps are a fantastic way of meeting people and increasing social interaction that gets severely curtailed as we grow older. We owe it ourselves to use the platform respectfully.
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